Heal
by MisunderstoodMind
Summary: 4 months after Tom had left the service Sasha is back in St. Louis. Will she be able to help Tom through his pain?
1. Chapter 1

**Because we need more Tom/Sasha fics! ;) This is set 4 months after the season finale! Thanks V for beta-ing again, giving me ideas and listing every day to my crazy Tom/Sasha fangirling!**

 **Feedback as always is highly appreciated!**

For the second time of the day Sasha found herself standing by the Green's living room window. It had become some sort of routine to her since she had gotten back to St. Louis and Kara had kindly offered her to let her stay at her home, at least until Danny would return from the east coast. She pulled one of the white curtains to the side and looked out of the window. Her eyes ran over the white fence to the street and then she tilted her head slightly to the left as as if by doing so she could see past the trees and the houses that blocked her view of the house she wanted to see. she had come back to St. Louis with her best intentions to keep the promise that she had given Captain Slattery and check in on Tom, but then when she had found out that Tom was living down the street of the Green's house Sasha's courage to face him again after so many months had vanished. Her eyes were focused on to the left side of the street as her mind slowly drifted back to the moment where she walked in to his cabin and found him packing his belongings. After she had spent the night with Kathleen, she had heard some rumors that Tom had resigned his commission again. Her plan to change his mind and make him realize that he can't just walk away and to remind him that the crew still needed him got ripped into piece the moment she had seen him. That spark that used to be in his eyes whenever they were on a mission got replaced by emptiness and she knew that he had already made up his mind.

 _…Cruz, Chung…, Frankie, Ravit…, Rachel..._

 _I wasn't there for her when she needed me._

 _I wasn't there for Darien,_

 _I wasn't there for my kids, for my father._

She had seen him suffering before after one of his tours through Iraq where he had lost some of his closest crew members. She had seen him mourn the losses and dealing with the pain, but she had never seen him like this. Angry with himself for what he had done on that plane, mournful about the countless losses of crew members and hopeless because he knew that the world would never be the same again no matter how hard he tried to get it back into its old shape. But most of all Tom was angry with himself for not being there for the people that he valued the most, his sister, his wife and now his father. He wasn't there to protect his family from the virus and he wasn't there to protect them from Shaw's people. The men who took his pride in serving and protecting his country, who always knew the right words to say, who always came up with a plan, who always got back onto his feet no matter how hard he fell had lost his hope and faith.

 _Put on your uniform,_ Sasha closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she heard her own desperate order again and then she cursed herself for the emotional outburst she had back then. She had been trained to not betray her emotions, but with Tom it was different, it always had been different with him. Their gaze met and she knew that there was no way to change his mind, no matter how stubbornly she would order him to put on his uniform she wouldn't be able to make him stay. She recalled the moment where he had put on his cap and turned around to face her again. She wasn't prepared for this and she didn't want to say goodbye, but then she felt his hands on her skin and the next thing she knew was his lips on hers as she instinctively reached for the back of his neck to keep him place. Sasha wished that their kiss would never end so he would stay aboard the ship, but at the same time she could tell that this was his way to say goodbye, maybe it wasn't a goodbye forever, but it was a goodbye for now. As her lips lightly brushed over Tom's lips Sasha heart broke as she realized again that he would leave so she pushed his hand away and took a step back.

"Hey look who is over there staring out of the window again, Frankie." Kara's soft voice brought Sasha back to reality as Kara entered the living room with Frankie in her arms. "Auntie Sasha." Kara added once she had walked over to the windows.

"Hey little sailor." Sasha smiled as took Frankie's small hand. "Did you have a good nap?" "Say yes and now I'm looking for someone to entertain me while my Mommy is doing laundry and cooking dinner." Kara replied in a childlike voice as Frankie wrapped his fingers around Sasha's slender index finger. "Can you take him? I promise it won't be long and I can watch him again while I'm cooking." She asked even though she knew that Sasha would take care of Frankie regardless.

"Kara, you know that you don't have to ask because I love spending time with this little heartbreaker." Sasha said as she brought her other hand up to tickle Frankie's tummy. "Who is a little heartbreaker? Say I am." Sasha giggled as Frankie started to gurgle happily while he tried to catch Sasha's other hand.

"And he likes to spent time with you. By the way you look like you could use some distraction from the…" Kara trailed off, knowing that Sasha had spent the last few day staring out of the window. "Yeah." Sasha sighed as turned her head slightly to look out of the window. "You still don't know what to do with Chandler?"

"No, every time I think I will finally walk up to his house it feels like something is holding me back." Sasha said.

"Then why don't take a walk with Frankie, clear your head and if you make it to his house check in on him." Kara's suggestion made it sound like it would be the easiest thing in the world and Sasha even considered it for a split second but then she shook her head again.

"No, Kara. It's not that easy after the way he left. I mean what am I supposed to say if I see him? I can't walk up to his front door and act like nothing had happened. I'm not even sure if he is still the man that he used to be before he left the service." _And the man that I still love,_ Sasha added quietly. "What if he has changed and moved on and I'll be the reason that will bring up all those feelings again. Maybe he doesn't want to see me? What then?"

"First of all you told me that you made a promise to Captain Slattery and by the way you will never find out if you keep on staring out of the window instead of facing him." Kara replied firmly, she liked Sasha a lot, but after a week of seeing her battling with her options about Chandler she had started to lose her patience. "I know." Sasha lowered her head and looked down on to the wooden floor as she thought about what Kara had just said. She knew that Kara was right and that the only way to find out if had changed would be to walk up to his house and see him

"And by the way it's pretty easy. Come follow me." Kara motioned her head for Sasha to follow her and Frankie out of the living room. "First we put out little sailor into his stroller." Kara started once they made it into the small hall of her house. "Auntie Sasha will take you out for a little trip." She said as she focused on tugging her son in. "And then you'll put on your shoes and jacket and maybe grab your purse and then you open the door and leave the house."

"Kara…" Sasha tried to stop her even though she knew that she could be as stubborn as she could be, but then she realized that she had no choice but to put on her shoes and take a walk with Frankie.

"What if Frankie gets fuzzy and starts to cry?" Sasha asked and Kara rolled her eyes. "I just fed him 15 minutes ago and I changed his diaper so there will be no reason for him to cry and if he still does then you'll sooth him like you did yesterday and the days before."

"And if I walk into the other direction and end up at the diner with him?" Sasha replied

"Do you want me to personally drag you down to his house?" Kara asked getting a little frustrated.

"Look, Sasha. I like you as a friend, but you have to seriously sort your issues with Tom out, because if I'll see you staring out of the window again I might lose it and we both don't want it." For a few seconds the two women just looked at each other until Frankie's voice brought them back to reality.

"You'll keep an eye on your Auntie and promise me to drag her to Chandler's house if she takes another direction, okay?" She asked as she leaned into the stroller and placed a soft kiss on to his forehead. "Mommy loves you." Kara whispered against his skin before she turned her attention back to Sasha.

"So are you ready to go?" Kara asked

"Honestly?" Sasha asked as she slipped into her shoes. "Fine I go but if we won't come back…"

"You will come back. Dinner is at 6:30." Kara replied firmly while she opened the front door for Sasha and Frankie. "Okay and Kara…" Sasha stopped as she pushed the stroller out of the door.

"Thank you. I guess I needed that kick in the ass…" She added as she hugged her friend. "I would call it a friendly push, but yep you needed it." Kara couldn't help but giggle at Sasha's description as she hugged her back. "Now go or my next push won't be that friendly." Kara warned her as she let her out of the hug.

A few minutes later Sasha felt her heart starting to race as she got closer and closer to Tom's house. She was sure that if she wouldn't be pushing the stroller she would probably playing with her fingers or twisting her hair, because she was way too nervous for her usual calm self-controlled attitude. She had just checked on Frankie who was happily playing with his stuffed ring when suddenly all of her worries hit her like a bolt again, causing her to slow down.

 _What if he doesn't let me in and rejects me?_

 _What if he is still too wounded from the events of the past year and refuses to let me in to help?_

 _What if my return reopens those wounds again if he had already moved on?_

 _What if he has moved on from everything that is related to the Navy?_

 _What if his kiss was an actually goodbye kiss and I just imagined things?_

Sasha took a few deep breaths while she once again tried to ignore her feelings. "Your Aunt Sasha is overthinking, right? I mean what could go wrong..." she told Frankie and then she looked up again and stopped on her track. _Tom,_ Sasha felt like her heart stopped for a moment when she saw him a couple of feet away throwing something into the garbage bin.

For a couple of seconds Sasha stood there and watched him as she debated with herself if she should turn around and head back. _Maybe I'll tell Kara that he wasn't at home…_ Sasha thought but then she saw him turning his head towards her and stopped with whatever he was still doing. It was then when she realized that she won't be able to get out of this anymore.

"Ok, let's do this." Sasha told herself while she took a deep breath to calm herself down and then she started to walk towards him. As she closer she noticed that he was looking at her and she could tell that he was surprised to see her again. She although noticed that grey shades in his hair got more and she noticed that despite the fact that he had left the Navy he was still having a classic naval haircut. As she was only a couple of feet away from him and she noticed the dark circles under his clear blue eyes.

"Tom." Sasha nodded as she stopped right in front of him.

"Sasha. What are you doing here? I thought you would be…" Tom stopped not wanting to say the name of the ship that would remind him of all the pain that he had suffered in the past year.

"I'm on leave, but the word is the president wants me to stay in St. Louis and rebuild our Intelligence department apparently I'm qualified." Sasha trailed off as she quickly checked on Frankie who was entertaining himself by playing with his hands. When she turned her head back to face Tom she noticed his curious look.

"And I'm staying with Kara until Danny is back and I have found a place on my own and according to Kara I'm his favorite aunt now." Sasha explained quickly.

"So Aunt Sasha it is now?" Tom asked with an amused look on his face and Sasha nodded.

"Can I see him? I never really had a chance to before." Tom asked as he remembered that before he had left for Asia he never had a chance to meet little Frankie before.

"Of course. Do you want me to take him out for you?" "Well it's been a while and he doesn't know me." Tom shrugged as he watched Sasha leaning forward to get him out of his stroller.

"Hey little sailor, come here. I have someone that wants to meet you." She spoke softly as she carefully lifted him out of his stroller and once she had him secured in her arms she turned back to face Tom again. "Frankie meet Tom Chandler another one of your uncles from the Navy." Sasha smiled as she looked from Frankie up to Tom and she noticed the frown on his face when she mentioned the Navy.

"Hi Frankie, it's nice to meet you." Tom smiled as he tried his best to ignore the pain that hat hit him the moment Sasha had mentioned the Navy. "Does your Auntie Sasha take good care of you?" He asked as he reached up to take his hand, but Frankie was a lot faster than Tom had thought, because the second Tom's index finger was within his reach Frankie grabbed it and wrapped his tiny fingers around it tightly as he gurgled happily. Sasha was watching Tom's face as Frankie started to babble happily in her arms and she saw a soft smile appearing on his lips while his eyes were focused on the little boy. She could've sworn that she saw a sparkle in his eyes, the sparkle that she was missing since he had made decision to leave the Navy.

"I guess he likes you." Her voice was barely above a whisper as she broke the silence between them. "Uncle Tom."

"Boys have to stick together." Tom simply replied. "Right, Buddy?" Tom asked as he splayed his fingers and tickled Frankie's tummy. "See, he agrees." Tom added when Frankie started gurgle in joy and then he looked up and met Sasha's gaze. They both starred into each other eyes and for a moment neither of them said a word as they both enjoyed the moment of simply being together again even though neither of them knew where this would go.

"I'm glad you're back." Tom's voice was soft as he smiled at her and for the first time in months she kew that his smile wasn't a fake one just to please her. "DAD! Where is my sleeping bag?" Sam's voice broke their peaceful moment and Tom turned around to see his son standing by the front door. "In your closet!" Tom called back.

"But I can't find it!" the little boy wailed.

"I'll help you search. Just give me a minute here." Tom yelled back and then he turned back to face Sasha who was already putting Frankie back into his stroller.

"Listen Sasha, I would love to catch up with you, so uhm… how about you come over for dinner? The kids will leave at 6:00 for their sleepover so how about you come over we have dinner and I don't know... talk?" Tom shrugged as he silently prayed that she would agree.

"I can't, I promised Kara to be home for dinner but how about after dinner. Let's say 7:30?" she asked as he hoped that he would take her offer.

"Okay. Then I'll see you tonight." He nodded as the smile that she loved so much appeared on his lips again. "I'm looking forward to it." She replied as she turned around to head back to Kara's house while Tom got inside and to help Sam finding his sleeping bag.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Thank you for all the nice reviews, faves and follows and thanks again to Vicky for being my beta reader!_**

"Say MOMMY we're back." Sasha called out as she carried Frankie inside the house.

After she had left Tom she had taken Frankie over into the park for another 30 minutes mostly because she thought that Kara wouldn't believe her if she would've been back after 10 minutes but it was although because she had to clear hear head and she figured that Frankie could use some fresh air.

"Let's surprise your Mommy." Sasha whispered into Frankie's ear when Kara didn't response to her call. "Do you smell that, Frankie? It smells like Mommy is cooking some yummy tomato sauce with Spaghetti. It's going to be sooooo yummy." Sasha said while tickled Frankie's tummy as she walked into the kitchen where she found Kara by oven.

"Oh, look who's back." Kara ecllaimed when she heard her son's happy gurgles. "Hey little man." She smiled as she whipped her hands on a towel before she took Frankie out of Sasha's arms. "Was Auntie Sasha a good girl and has finally talked to Chandler?" Kara ignored Sasha completely as she had her focus on Frankie who was already babbling as if he was trying to tell her what happened.

"Yes, she was a good girl, Mommy. And it's actually Uncle Tom now." Sasha replied with a soft smile on her lips as she recalled the moment where Frankie wrapped his finger's around Tom's index finger. "Uncle Tom, huh? You're pretty quick in making new friends." Kara raised her eye brow at Frankie and then at Sasha.

"Yeah, they shared a moment. Boys have to stick together. It was kind of cute." Sasha explained as she tried to suppress the grin that had sneaked up on her lips.

"Kind of cute?" Kara asked as she already got a feeling where this was going but Sasha only nodded. "So how did it go for you?"

"Good. Actually it was better than I'd expected it to be. We talked and after he had his moment with Prince Charming over here." She motioned at Frankie. "He told me that he was glad that I'm back. Oh and he invited me over for dinner after he had told me that his kids are having sleepovers, but…" Sasha stopped when she saw Kara opening her mouth to protest. "But I declined it. Don't worry I couldn't miss your Spaghetti, but I'll head over after dinner." Sasha added quickly.

"Aww, did you hear that Frankie? Your Auntie is having a date." Kara giggled as she teased her even though she was talking to her son.

"It's not a date." Sasha defended herself while she rolled her eyes. "We just want to catch up and I don't know it's been a while since we saw each other. By the way I don't think that Tom would be ready to even call it a date IF it would be one. He seemed…." Sasha trailed off and turned her head to look out of the window as she tried to come up with the right words to describe Tom's expression but then she shrugged. "I don't know." She shook her head. "Something seemed off. He looked like he doesn't get much sleep."

"PTSD?" Kara raised her eyebrow. After she got home from her deployments before the pandemic had hit, Kara had seen some of her friends and shipmates suffering from some sort of PTSD, so for her it only seemed logical that Chandler might have it as well.

"It could be." Sasha slightly nodded her head as she pressed her lips together, while she started considering what Kara had just said. Meanwhile Kara turned around to check on her sauce and the spaghetti.

"I guess I'll have to find out tonight." Sasha said while she took a deep breath.

2 hours later Sasha had just slipped into her shoes and grabbed her jacket. "Kara, I'm leaving. I'll see you later?" She called out as she had already had her hand on the door handle.

"If I'm still up sure." Kara replied from the living room. "And be home before midnight."

"Seriously?" Sasha asked as she went back to the living room where she found Kara on the floor with Frankie next to her. "No, I just wanted to rehears that line to get a feeling for Frankie when he starts to go out." Kara couldn't help but laugh when she saw Sasha's confused expression. "But enjoy your "It's not a date"-date." She added using air quotes.

"Tell me again why are we friends again?" Sasha rolled her eyes. "Because you like me and we've been a pretty badass Cobra team, remember?"

"Yeah, we were." Sasha smiled. "Get out now or else he'll start to think that you dropped him for a much younger, good looking, little, handsome sailor. Isn't that right, Frankie?" Kara looked her at her son. "You are so much younger and a lot more handsome than Tom Chandler." "I'll see you later." Sasha rolled her eyes and shook her head at her friend before she turned around and left.

The moment Sasha was heading up the street towards Tom's house her heart started race again and even though she kept on telling herself that there was nothing to worry about she couldn't stop the her mind from going back to what could happen once she arrived at his house.

 _What if he had changed his mind and doesn_ _'_ _t want to see me?_

 _What if he actually has PTSD? How am I supposed to help him?_

 _What if my presence will reopen his wounds?_

 _Will he even open up about is feelings?_

 _What if he kicks me out?_

Her thoughts continued to circle in her head until she had walked up to his front door where she stopped and then for a moment she even considered to leave and come back on another day. But then Sasha took a deep breath and calmed down a little before she finally lifted her hand and knocked on the door. While she waited for him to open the door Sasha felt ridicules for being nervous like a teenager on a first a date even though it wasn't a date and she knew Tom, but still she couldn't help but feel nervous about it.

"Hi." Tom had a soft smile on his lips when she looked up at him.

"Hey." Sasha voice soft and could have sworn that there was a shy smile on her lips as their gaze met. For a few seconds neither of them said a word as they both seemed lost in each other's eyes while they both realized that this was their first meeting where they would actually be alone and be able to sit down and talk.

"So, uhm, do you want to come in?" It was Tom who first broke the silence and then their gaze as he stepped aside to let her in. Wordlessly Sasha walked past him and in to his house where she immediately started to scan the living room to her right. There were a few photos of his family from the time before the pandemic had hit by the fireplace but other than that it looked like she had expected his house to be. It was clean with not even a hint of dust on the shelves.

 _Just like the Navy had taught him,_ Sasha slightly shook her head as they walked over to the couch.

"Can I get you anything? Water? Beer? Wine?" Tom asked as Sasha sat down on to the couch.

"A glass of wine would be nice." She replied, hoping that the alcohol would help her to loosen up a bit, because the nervous feeling that had set in on her way over seemed like it wouldn't go away by it selves.

"Do you still fancy a merlot?" Tom asked and Sasha couldn't help but smile as she realized that after all those years he still remembered her favorite kind of wine. "I still do." She nodded as she watched him heading for the kitchen. It was then when she noticed that Tom had although lost a few pounds over the months, because the shirt that he was wearing hung loosely around his body.

A few minutes later Tom was back with a glass of wine in one hand and a bottle of beer for himself in his other. "So what have you been up to in the past few months?" Sasha asked after Tom had sat down next to her, leaving enough space between them so they it would be impossible for them to accidently touch each other.

"You mean besides being a Dad?" He asked back and then took a swing of his beer. "Not much."

They continued talk as they both tried their best to keep the conversation as lightly as possible until Sasha had finished her glass of wine.

"I'll be right back." Tom told her while got up and over into the kitchen. When he came back a couple of seconds later he was carrying the bottle of Merlot.

"Seriously, Tom, are you trying to get me drunk?" Sasha laughed while she watched him refilling her glass.

"Maybe." Tom shrugged with a sheepish grin as sat the bottle down on to the coffee table.

"And what would you do if I you would manage to get me drunk? Do you remember that night at the bar near the Academy?" Sasha asked as she realized that the awkwardness between them had finally faded probably thanks to the beer and wine.

"I do." He nodded as their gaze met. "You were determined to prove yourself to the boys of your team and if I recall correctly drinking wasn't the only thing we did that night…" Tom trailed off playfully.

"Nope, that wasn't the only thing." She smiled as she recalled the night were they met, back then she had no idea that he was one of her instructors as she was new to the Academy. Back then the only thing she knew for sure was that she had fallen for him the moment that she had laid eyes on him.

"I guess we have to find out." His reply was still playful and even though he still had that grin on his lips Sasha couldn't ignore the tired look in his eyes. Tom noticed her smile was fading and he couldn't help but wonder if he had just overstepped a line.

"You look tired." Sasha pointed after a few minutes of silence in which she studied his face. "I could say the same about you." Tom replied quickly as he already had a strong feeling where this conversation would head.

"I'm living with a 5 month old what's your excuse?" Sasha asked playfully but her face remained serious. "When was the last time you got a proper sleep?"

"Honestly?" Tom asked and she nodded, her eyes still focused on his. "That was probably before the final missile test up in the artic." His reply was honest and Sasha opened her mouth to say something, but then she closed her lips again as started to calculate how long it had been.

He had left the Nathan James 4 months ago, She had been back to St. Louis for a week.

It took them a month to deal with the situation in Asia and get America out of Shaw's hands.

Before that he was 5 months in St. Louis and it took him around 6 months to find the cure.

"14 months? Are you sure?" Sasha asked clearly shocked by his statement. This time it was Tom's turn to just nod and then he turned his head away from her as he realized how long it actually was. He knew that it was a long time since he had slept more than just a few hours, but he had never seen it calculated the actual time.

For a few minutes neither of them said a word as Sasha had cupped her glass of wine with both hands while she starred at the coffee table in front of her. She tried come up with something that might help Tom to get some sleep and as once again remembered when he came home from his Iraq tour and how she had helped him to ease his pain. She had been there for him during the nights and held him in her arms while he felt a sleep, but back then things between them had been different.

"How about…" She paused and took a deep breath, knowing how badly this could backfire if she wasn't careful enough. "How about I stay with you tonight?" She asked praying that he would take her offer and let her try to help him.

The question brought Tom's attention back to her and he turned his heads to face her for a few seconds. He could see that she was clearly concerned about his well-being.

"Are you sure?" He asked still a bit surprised by her offer.

"I am sure." Sasha replied before she took a swing of her wine. "I mean you need some sleep, Tom. And I'm not talking about a 10 minutes nap or an hour, because clearly you can't continue like this I'm talking about a nice long sleep without waking up in the middle of the night because you heard a noise. Hell, I'm not even sure if this will work or not, but yes, Tom, I am serious. I could stay and I don't know… sleep on the couch… or watch over you and be there for you if you need someone to talk." Sasha took another sip of her Merlot while she watched Tom. She could tell that he was thinking about what she had just said that he was considering her offer, but something told her that it would take more reasons to get him to agree to do it.

"What about Kara? If she asks … she will think …." Tom replied hesitantly.

"Jesus, Tom." Sasha rolled her eyes, because after everything they had been through he still worried about what other people would think and if they would still respect him. "I'll explain it to her and she will understand. But you shouldn't worry about what she might think about you and me. You should be thinking about your kids, Tom. You're all they've left and they need to be fit." Sasha was unable to stop the words that flew out of her mouth and she immediately started to regret them as she saw his expression change before he turned his head and looked out of the window.

"I know." Tom's voice was barely above a whisper as he felt his heart break again while her voice still echoed through her head. He knew that Sasha was right that, that he can't continue like this but he had no idea how to stop the nightmares that had been haunting for months.

"Look, Tom. I didn't mean to criticize you, but you have to get help to become the best father you can be and to become your old self again." Sasha said after a after a few minutes of silence had passed.

"I know, but how?" Tom asked while he still looked out of the window.

"Talk to me, tell me what's bothering you. I'm here now and I'm willing to help you." Tom thought about opening up to her, but then again he didn't want to burden her with the nightmare that he had been through and he had no idea where to start. There was just too much on his mind from hearing the news in the artic, to Gitmo, Baltimore, Norfolk, the immunes…

"Not now." Tom shook his head and turned his head to face Sasha again. Once again he saw how concerned she was about him and he could see how much she cared. "But thank you." He added with a small smile on his lips.

"Always." She replied before she took another sip of her wine while Tom picked up his beer from the coffee table to take swing. "So do you want me to stay?" Sasha asked after she had placed her glass back onto the table.

"Yes, let's try this." Tom replied, even though he wasn't sure if it would help, he knew that it was worth a try.

 **Before you leave, Feedback is as always is highly appreciated!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Feedback as always is highly appreciated!**

Sasha had arms crossed under her chest and leaned lazily against the doorframe of Tom's guestroom as she waited for him to return from his bedroom with a shirt for her to sleep in. As she waited Sasha couldn't help but replay the past few hours on her mind. After he had accepted her offer to stay but declined to talk about his feelings and nightmares she had tried her best to keep the conversation as lightly as possible by simply avoiding anything that would lead them to talk about the time during the pandemic much less their return from Asia.

"There you go." Tom said when he came back carrying on of his old shirts in his hands. "So do you need anything else?" "No, thank you." Sasha shook her head while she took the shirt out of his hands. "I'll be fine." She smiled softly as their gazes met and for a moment neither wanted of them wanted to leave the other even though they were both tired and they knew that they would only be separated by the hall.

"So I guess it's time to say good night then." Tom stated, but for Sasha he sounded more like was asking for her approval just to be sure. "Yeah, good night." She nodded and for a moment she wanted nothing more but to hug him and tell him everything will be alright, but then Tom turned around and was about to head into his bedroom.

"And Tom?" She asked hoping that he would stop and turn around to face her. "If anything happens I'm here for you. I don't care if you have to wake me up in the middle of the night." She added when he had turned around to face her again and then without thinking twice about her actions Sasha reached up and cupped his cheek with her left, bringing his focus down to her eyes. "You're not alone in this." She added genuinely as she gently caressed over the stubbles on his cheek. Tom leaned into the palm of her hand and allowed himself to enjoy the feeling of her gentle touch as he kept his eyes fixed on her bright blue ones.

"Thank you." He had small smile on his lips and then Sasha saw something in his eyes that she hadn't seen since the day he had send her and her team to St. Louis to take down Shaw; it was hope that he will recover from his burn out.

"Good night, Tom." She said again before she finally removed her hand again. "Night." Tom sighed deeply as he turned around and then headed over to his bedroom, while Sasha still stood in place as she watched him disappear behind the door.

Once she got into the guestroom and had closed the door behind herself Sasha turned around and leaned against the while wooden door with her back. For a few minutes she simply stood there and looked up to the ceiling as she once again tried to process everything that had happened in the past few hours. She wanted to help and ease his pain, but how was she supposed to help when he refused to let her in?

"He needs time." Sasha sighed as she answered her own question before she looked down at the shirt in her hands and for a moment she wished that she would have brought her own clothes over as she realized that wearing his shirt Would send her on a trip down the memory lane.

 _I could sneak out and head over to Kara's and get…,_ Sasha shook her head as she quickly got rid of the idea of leaving Tom just so she could avoid the memories of their past together.

After she had changed into Tom's shirt she slipped under the soft covers and turned off the light on the nightstand, she rolled on to her back and stared into the dark. She didn't know why, but she waited a couple of more minutes before she finally allowed herself to close her eyes while she took a deep breath which she immediately started regret. As she inhaled the essence of his shirt she could've sworn that she smelled a hint of his aftershave even though she knew that he probably hasn't worn the shirt for ages. It was that smell and knowing that it was Tom's shirt was enough for her mind to head to a place that she had locked down over a decade ago.

 _The night at the bar near the Naval Academy, before that night Sasha had never been one of those girls who would go out and get hooked up, but with Tom it was different. Their first kiss in the hall of the bar somewhere between the cigarette machine and the men's restroom wasn't exactly romantic, but it was enough for her to realize that Tom Chandler would be the one for her. That night she wanted him more than anything else and she was sure that he felt the same way. After they had left the bar and had made it over to her apartment she had tried everything to get him inside, but Tom resisted her temptations._

Today, after everything they've been through it was still a miracle for her, that he was able to resist her temptation.

 _Two days later_

 _She had spent most of her time trying to forget those damn blue eyes and those soft lips. She was sitting in her Tactics of Naval Warfare class for the first time and then he walked in. At first she thought Tom was just another student but when he took his place in front of the class she realized that Tom Chandler, the man that she had tried to sleep with, was her teacher._

 _The mixture of surprise and pure shock that she felt in that very moment was the saw that she saw in his eyes when he had spotted her among his students. She remembered how hard she tried to ignore her feelings for him, how hard she tried to avoid eye contact even though he was talking to her and the countless times that she had told herself that dating her teacher would be inappropriate._

Today, she knew that no matter how hard she would try to ignore and bury her feelings for Tom, she would always end up thinking and craving for him.

For a while Sasha was still lost in her memories before she finally slowly drifted off to sleep. Ever since she had joined the Ever since she'd joined the Naval Intelligence department, Sasha had been a light sleeper. Even on her days off she had troubles letting go completely and have a deep sleep. But now that she had stayed with Kara and Frankie for a week she felt like her sleep had gotten even lighter. It wasn't because of Frankie's nightly cries or fuzziness it was more because she felt some kind of responsibility, even though Kara had told her that she would take care of him during the night.

Now with Tom it was the same, it was her responsibility to be on alert, because she cared for him and she had promised him that she would be there for him if he needed her, so she just couldn't allow her body to drift off completely.

A few hours later Sasha was in her usual half-asleep – half-awake state when she heard a noise coming from the hall. At first she thought that she was imagining it and tried to ignore the noise, but then she heard it again and it hit her like a bolt.

 _TOM!_ It shot through her head and she quickly reached for the light on the nightstand and turned it on. She gave her eyes a few seconds to adjust to the light and then she quickly slipped out from under her blanket and got up. She got over to the door and just as she had quietly opened the door she heard him again. He sounded like he was moaning in pain so she quickly walked across the hall to his bedroom. She wrapped her fingers around the handle and took a deep breath as she tried to prepare herself for what would come once she got inside his room.

"Tom?" She asked her voice barely above a whisper as she slowly pushed the door open. The first thing she noticed was that the light on his nightstand was still on and then saw him. He was tossing around the bed as if was fighting against someone or something; his face was pale and cover with sweat. "Tom?" She asked again as she stepped closed and noticed the painful expression on his face.

"Dad! No!" He muttered desperately over and over again. For a moment Sasha didn't know what to do as it broke her heart to see him broken like this. She had expected that he would have a nightmare but not like this.

"I'm so sorry, Dad! It's my fault. Don't die!" Tom's desperate voice mixed with the noise of his fists hitting the mattresses violently brought her back to reality. "Dad, I'm so sorry I should've been there…"

"Tom?" Sasha asked against as reached for his left shoulder and gently shook him. "Wake up, Tom." She told him this time her voice wasn't as careful as it was before as her gentle touch became a bit rougher so he would finally wake up. "Tom?" Her voice was firm and then he suddenly stopped tossing around the bed. "DAD!" He cried out and then he finally ripped his eyes up in horror. He was breathing heavily as he tried to make out if it was real or just a dream.

"Hey, it was just a dream." Sasha told him as she removed her hand from his shoulder. "It's okay. It was just a dream." She repeated again when as Tom quickly sat up in his bed.

"I killed him, I killed them all." His voice was hoarse and filled with pain. "It's my fault. My Dad, Darien, my sister." Tom stopped when he felt a lump forming in his throat and then he suddenly felt tears welling up in his eyes so he turned his face away from Sasha.

"Tom?" She asked when she noticed that swallowed hard and she knew that he was fighting against his emotions. "It's okay." She told him while she sat down next to him on the edge of the bed.

"You don't understand. It's my fault. I killed them." Tom replied his voice filled with emotions and ten Sasha reached out and gently caressed his cheek.

"It's okay to cry." It was Sasha's gentle touch and the carrying tone in her voice that broke him down and he started to cry.

* * *

 **Feedback as always is highly appreciated!**


	4. Author's Note

Author's note DELETED

I heard that some of you, who already left a review on my previous Author's note, can't review on my chapter 3. So I'll repost it as chapter 4 to give you the option to review again.


	5. Chapter 4

Sasha had lost track of time as she sat on the edge of the bed next to Tom with one arm wrapped around his back. As she was listening to his heart wrenching sobs she drew some small circles n his back, hoping it would give would give him some comfort. She noticed that the right sleeve of her shirt was already soaked with his tears and each time she heard him gasping for air she found herself fighting against her own emotions, feeling the tears welling up in her eyes. She knew that his emotional breakdown wasn't just because of the unbelievable amount of guilt that he had been carrying for way too long, but more down to the fact he'd never had the chance to properly mourn such personal losses.

She wanted to tell him something to illuminate the darkness he seemed trapped in, but everything she came up with would only seem trite. Sasha knew from personal experience that „everything is going to be all right" is not the kind of thing you want to hear at a time like this. One thing she knew for sure, letting out his emotions and pain was the first step towards Tom's recovery.

Belatedly, Sasha realized that it could've been herself, sitting on the bed and sobbing her heart out as her mind started to slowly drift back to the time after the pandemic, when she desperately tried to find a way out of China or at least find a secure line so she could contact someone in the States. At the time, she knew the chance that either her husband or her family had survived the virus were poor. Still, she'd kept her hopes up until the awful day that confirmation had come notifying her they were all dead, victims of the same plague that had wiped out much of the world's population. That still feel so surreal to her but she still remembered the guilt and the pain that had hit her hard in the following days as she tried to figure out why she had been spared from death while everyone that she loved was gone. Back then it was Jesse who had been there for her, helping her to deal with her loss before pulling her back to her feet and giving Sasha a purpose, a reason why she had been spared.

It was another heart wrenching sob from Tom that brought her back to reality and she turned her head slightly to face him even though Tom had still buried his face into her shoulder.

"Do you want me to stay?" She asked carefully, feeling a bit unsure about his reaction, as she felt her body craving for a more comfortable way to sit because her butt was already turning numb from sitting on the edge of his bed.

She watched him lifting his head up from her shoulder and for the first time since she had sat down next to him she saw his face and their gaze met. The moment she was able to look into those beautiful blue eyes Sasha could feel her heart breaking into a million pieces again. The emptiness in his eyes, still swollen from crying made her wish that she would be able to take his pain away, but she couldn't. A few fresh tears rolled down his cheeks and Sasha reached up to brush them away as she gently caressed his wet cheek with the palm of her hand while she was still waiting for his approval, but Tom remained silent. After another couple of silent minutes had passed Sasha wordlessly got up and was about to get over to the other side of the bed when she suddenly felt Tom's hands wrapped around her wrist. Surprised by his sudden action Sasha turned around only to find Tom looking at her with a desperate expression on his face.

"Don't worry. I'll stay." She reassured him with a soft smile and then after Tom let go of her wrist she went over to the other side of the bed where she quickly slipped under the blanket and rested her back against the headboard as she was aware that this night wasn't over yet.

"If you want to talk…" She offered while she wrapped her arm around his back again as he leaned his head against her shoulder. "I'm here. I'm not going to leave you." She added softly while she reached up to brush the fresh tears on his cheek away, but to her surprise Tom stopped her before she was able to make contact with his wet skin. She watched him as he carefully intertwined their fingers while he brought their hands down to rest on top of the blanket.

Sasha…" His voice was hoarse and shaking with emotions causing her to shiver lightly as he said her name. "I don't even know where to start… so much happened… so many…" He stopped when he felt like he couldn't stay the words that had been flying through his head for months. "….there wasn't just my Dad and Darien or Tex….Rachel… so many people are…" He swallowed hard to get rid of the lump in his throat. "So many people are dead because of me."

"Not everything is on you and you know that, Tom. You did everything you could." Sasha replied firmly, hoping that it would be enough for him to stop blaming himself, but unfortunately it didn't work that way and she knew it.

"How is this not on me, Sasha? Tell me!" He demanded with a mixture of desperation and anger in his voice. "Because I was the one who turned away from home to get some monkeys for the trails, when I should've gone home to help and protect my family. I was the one who let Rachel go that night when she got killed and I was the one who decided to take care of Peng before heading home. I made those decisions; I killed them with my decisions. So tell me how is this not on me?" He begged his anger clearly had taken over his voice, but he wasn't angry with Sasha for what she said, he was angry with himself for what he did.

For a few moments Sasha simply stared at him as she felt the lump in her throat growing, because right now she had no idea how she could counter to change his view.

"You did everything you could and from what Mike and Kara had told me, you tried everything you could to safe everyone and that IS what really matters, Tom. You tried your best." Sasha replied firmly

"And still it wasn't enough." Tom shook his head, disappointed and angry with himself for the things he had done and the things he didn't do.

"Jesus, Tom! Not everything is your fault." Sasha couldn't stop herself from raising her voice just a little as she suddenly felt frustrated, not because of his view or his feelings, but because of the situation they were in. She was missing the old Tom, the Tom that would mourn for his loses but then get back up to his feet and would continue with whatever would come next. She wanted to help him to get out of his depressive and self-destructive mood, but somehow she felt she would tell him a million times that it wasn't his fault and he still wouldn't believe her.

"Just listen to me and then think about it for a moment." She told him after she had taken a deep breath to calm her nerves down again as she gently squeezed his hand to get his attention. The moment he looked into her eyes again Sasha felt like they were back in the moment when she had walked into his bedroom. The way he looked at her was wrenching her heart again.

"You tried everything you could while you've carried the fate of the world in your hands. And trust me I know how it feels and I know it sucks that you couldn't safe everyone but look at how many people you've actually saved with the decisions you've made. Most of those people would probably be dead by now if you wouldn't have brought the cure home. How can you not see that? How can you not see the good things you've done? You couldn't save everyone but Tom, look at how many you DID save!" Sasha looked directly into his eyes as he tried her best to stay calm even though she sounded like she was begging him to open his eyes up and see the good things he had caused by his decisions. "Just tell me how I can help you to see that?" She asked him.

"I could've done more." Tom replied as if it was a fact that couldn't be changed before he broke the eye contact with Sasha and turned his head to stare at the door of his closet.

For a while neither of them said a word as they were both trying to deal with what they both had said. While Sasha was busy trying to come up with something that would convince Tom to see the good Tom actually tried to understand her point of view. But no matter how hard he tried he always ended up in the same corner where he blamed himself for everyone that had died on his watch.

"You know…" Sasha broke the silence. "Maybe we should get some rest and talk tomorrow again if you want." She suggested even though she knew that she wouldn't get any sleep anyways, because her mind would be too busy to figure out a way to help the man that she still loved deal with his problems.

"Frankie Benz." Tom ignored her suggestion as he kept his eyes focused on the door. "He's the one Kara and Danny named their son after… and he was the first we lost." His voice was surprisingly calm as the images of that night flew through his head. Sasha was about to ask something about that night, but then she figured that maybe if Tom would talk about it on his own that it would help him dealing. "We went aboard this Italian cruise ship to get fuel and food so we could head home… he fell over a body and his mask broke… he got exposed to the virus… there was nothing we could've done for him." Tom trailed off and then he closed his eyes as he felt the desperation rise again while his mind replayed the moment where Frankie pulled out his gun.

 _Mission comes first._

 _I'm not too interested in dying like these people._

 _Give me the gun, sailor._

 _Frankie, don't be stupid._

 _I am giving you a direct order! Put down that weapon!_

Tom winced slightly as he heard the shot of Frankie's gun echoing through his head and for a moment he felt like he was back on the ship. Even though Tom would never admit it to anyone, but that moment had burned itself into his memory, just like the moment were he had heard the shot at the hotel and then when he had found Rachel on the floor.

"Tom? Hey?" Sasha's worried voice brought him back to reality and he turned his head a bit to look at her from the corner of his eyes. "I'm sorry." He shook his head while he tried to get rid of the memories that had been haunting him. "Do you want to talk about it? You were kind of zoned out a bit?" She asked him clearly concerned about what had just happened to him.

"No, it's okay. I'm fine." Tom replied, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself instead of Sasha so he brought his attention back to his closet again.

"Fine." Sasha exhaled deeply while she tried not to get frustrated again as she felt like they were walking in circles with his stubbornness.

For a long time they both sat there in silence as neither of them dared to say a word as they both listen to each other's breaths. It was then when Sasha noticed that he had finally stopped crying.

"You know, you did save them twice." Sasha pointed out before had a chance to think about how he might react to what she was going to tell him now. But that short sentence somehow got his attention. "Who?" He asked as he turned his head to face her again. "Your kids, you saved them from the virus and Shaw." Sasha replied hoping that his time he wouldn't start to list thing he did wrong while saving them or people who he couldn't save.

"Your crew." She knew that bringing the crew of the Nathan James was walking on thin ice for her, because she knew how many she had lost during their battles together. "You saved them more than just once with the decisions you've made. Like the time when we were trapped in the minefield or when were surrounded by Peng's destroyers." She waited for him to say something in return but he didn't say a word as he was still processing her point of view.

"And you saved little Frankie even though he wasn't born yet." Sasha pointed out in an attempt to make him see the good thing that he had done. He did save an unborn child.

"Kara almost died during the trail. I could've killed them both." Tom hung his head low as he tried not to think about those days where Rachel tested the vaccine on the crew.

"Stop saying that. You had no idea if the trail would be successful or not and NO ONE, not even Kara herself knew that she was pregnant. But it doesn't matter now anyways, because he is… no, they are alive today. And because of the decisions you've made Danny as able to meet his son. That's just one the many good things you caused because you made the right call when there were barely any rules left in the world. When there wasn't really a line between right and wrong. It was you who gave the world hope for a better future again after many people had lost faith. I know I've said it before, but you did everything with such a grace no one could've done it like you did." Sasha told him firmly and then Tom lifted his head up to look at her again.

"I know." His voice was barely above a whisper as he suddenly began to realize that he was too caught up in his own loss that he never really thought about the good things he had done.

"Then why don't you try to see it that way?" Sasha asked carefully.

"Because each time I try I have to think about what I could've done differently to save a couple of more lives and I'm not just talking about my family or my crew. I'm talking about the people of New Orleans or those who got killed by the immunes." He explained as he tried to ignore the urge to look away again as he suddenly felt ashamed for himself again.

"It's like I've said it before. You couldn't save everyone, no one could've done that and I guess deep down in your heart you know that. You just have to… find a way to realize it." She replied quietly before she couldn't help but let out a long jaw and then for the first time since she got out of her bed Sasha checked her watch.

 _2:43 am_

"You want to get some rest?" Tom asked her and Sasha could've sworn that she saw some kind of alert in her eyes. "Only if you want some rest." She shrugged as she tried to suppress another yawn. "But if you want to talk we can stay up and do that." She offered but to her surprise Tom shook his head.

"I guess we had enough for today. But if I wake up…" he began, but she cut him off swiftly.

"…I'll be right here. Don't worry." Sasha reassured him with a smile on her lips as she slipped further under her blanket.

"Good night and thank you for everything." Tom whispered after he had turned off the light on his nightstand and had rolled over onto his side so he was facing her.

"Good night, Tom." Sasha replied and then even though she was dead tired she waited for him to fall asleep before she finally allowed herself to get some rest.

Sasha woke up with the feeling that someone was looking at her, so it didn't really surprise her when she finally managed to open her eyes only to find Tom looking at her from his pillow.

"Morning." Her sleepily voice matched the peaceful smile she had on her lips.

"Morning. " Tom replied with a soft smile on his lips and then for moment it felt like all of his problems had been vanished over night, but then Sasha's sense for reality kicked in.

"How are you feeling today?" She asked while curling her arms under her head.

"I don't know…" Tom trailed off with a deep sigh. "Lighter I guess…. somehow." He shrugged after a few seconds had passed. "That's good." Sasha nodded slightly not leaving him out of her sight as she realized that he actually looked a little more relaxed than last night.

"I've forgotten how good it felt to wake up next to someone." Tom pointed out without thinking. He immediately started to regret his words, when an awkward silence started to set in as Sasha didn't know how she should response to his statement. "Thank you for staying." He added in attempt to make them both forget what he had just said as he noticed the dumbfounded expression on her face. "I still love you, Tom." The words slipped so easily over her lips that Sasha couldn't stop herself from saying it out loud. "I mean I still care for you a lot and where else should I be besides here with you?" She asked him but instead of answering her question Tom probed his head onto his arm before he reached out and brushed a few loose strands of hair out of her face.

"You're so beautiful, Sasha. Inside and out, it's amazing." He whispered when he noticed that she was blushing so he cupped her rosy cheek with his hand and started to gently care her cheekbone with the pad of his thumb.

"Tom…" Sasha tried to warn him, because she had a pretty good feeling about what could happen next if she wouldn't stop him, but all she could manage to was breathe his name as the sensation of his hand against her skin ran through her body.

She closed her eyes for a few seconds and allowed herself to enjoy the feeling as she leaned into his hand. Sasha wasn't so sure if it was the sleepy state she was still in or the true affection that she still felt for him, but she was enjoying this peaceful moment a lot and somehow wished it would never end. When Sasha opened her eyes again she found herself staring into Tom's blue ones as she felt his fingertips tracing slowly over her cheek down to her chin where they lingered for a few seconds before he smoothed his thumb over her bottom lip. Tom watched her closely as she parted her lips slightly as he noticed her ragged breathing

 _A little kiss won't hurt,_ Sasha threw her cautions over board as she bit her bottom lip while lifted her head up, slowly leaned towards him, never taking her gaze from his lips Their faces were only inches apart each other as she let her eyes drift from his beautiful blue eyes down to his lips, where she noticed that they were although slightly parted. Tom was the one who took the last step and lowered his head and then before they were able to realize what was happened he had captured her mouth with his own.

His lips softly brushed over hers and Sasha reached for the nap of his neck as he took his time to rediscover her soft lips before he gently nipped at her bottom lip as if he was asking her for permission to go further. Sasha gladly gave him the permission as her hand slipped to the back of his neck. The moment she had parted her lips and allowed him to slide his tongue in, Tom rolled her onto her back deepening their kiss as he dug his hand into her mahogany colored hair. The softness of their lips pressed against each other and the feeling of their tongues dancing together send them into a rush of need as Sasha threaded her fingers into his dark grey hair on the back of his head. It felt like a homecoming, the familiarity and comfort that they both had been missing for such a long time that they weren't even aware that it was gone stunned them both even more than the kiss itself. Typically Sasha she tried to make an odd move to change their position as she wrapped her legs around his and tried to push herself up, but Tom caught her and pressed back into the pillow causing her whimper into his mouth. It was a noise that he remembered so well from another time in their lives, back then it used to drive him insane and make his moves bold so it did surprise him when he untangled his fingers from her long her hand traced them down her body to the hem of her shirt. At same Sasha traced her finger tips over well-defined muscles on his back while she slowly pulled his shirt up. As Tom broke the kiss Sasha quickly pulled his shirt over his head this time she managed to kind of change their position as she was sitting up before she leaned up to capture his lips again for another heated kiss before she allowed him to remove her own shirt. After Tom discarded her shirt he stroke over her arms to her shoulders and her back before he gently brought her back on to the mattress where he continued the rediscovery her body. He kissed her passionately as his hands traced over her arm and down to her breasts were he palmed her breaths through the thin fabric of her bra. Another whimper escaped her lips when Tom nibbled and kissed his way down to her jaw to the spot where her pulse was beating before he went back to her mouth again. He kissed her deeply again almost wild as Sasha traced her fingertips over her back down to the waistband of his boxers. He groaned in to her mouth as Sasha grabbed his ass with of her hands and then he pulled her up into a sitting position. He reached around her back to undo the claps of her bra as he tried his best not leave her lips.


	6. Chapter 5

**WARNING: This Chapter is M-rated**

 **Thanks Vicky for being my awesome beta reader!**

Once Tom had managed to undo the claps of Sasha's bra she dropped her arms to her sides, allowing him to push the straps down her arms. A frisson of pleasure rippled down her spine, causing her to moan softly as he trailed his fingertips slowly over her sensitized skin as he removed the lacy garment. The moment her bra was gone, Tom gently caressed her breasts, drawing another soft whimper from Sasha's lips as she leant her forehead against his, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Her eyes were still closed as she tried to ignore the voice inside her head that told her that this was wrong, that she should stop right now and get the hell out of Tom's bed before it was too late. A tiny part of her knew that that the voice in her head was right and that sleeping with Tom was wrong, but she knew that they had already crossed that line. The moment she felt his soft lips pressed against hers, clouding her mind with passion that she realized it had been a long time since she had been intimate with anyone. His lips on hers, his hands caressing her skin, the feel of his warm skin under her hands, the way he caressed her curves it all felt so good, so familiar that it couldn't be wrong. So instead of finishing what they had started, Sasha locked gazes with Tom as she leaned in for a soft, slow kiss.

In return Tom wrapped his arms around her slender body and pulled her against his body, savoring the feeling of her breasts, her silky skin against his chest as he deepened their kiss. His has traveled down to the small of her back as he held her firmly as he sucked and then gently bit her bottom lip. A soft whimper escaped Sasha's swollen lips as he ran his tongue over it, causing Sasha to open her mouth to him, giving Tom the access she knew he was asking for.

 _Just like old times_ , Sasha smiled to herself as Tom gladly accepted her unspoken invitation by nipping and kissing his way over the newly exposed skin in front of him. Her breath hitched in her throat when she felt his lips tracing over her breast before he captured it and flicked it tongue over her nipple

"Tom…." Sasha moaned arching her back and she was sure that Tom had a confident grin on his lips as he continued to assault her hardening nipple with his tongue.

He moved over to her other breast, when Sasha felt a rush of wetness between her legs, anticipating a similar sensual assault. Tom surprised her though taking his sweet time as he explored the silky softness of her breast with lips and tongue, teasing her till Sasha felt she couldn't take any more. He continued to draw circles around her erect nipple with agonizing slowness, before sucking it into his mouth, flicking his tongue over it. Once more, Sasha arched her back, thrusting her breast into his mouth, moaning loudly as she held onto him for dear life, delighting in the exquisite torture he was subjecting her to.

A disapproving growl escaped her lips when Tom let go of her now, painfully erect nipple. Not leaving overheated skin, Tom kissed his way back up her neck, as Sasha pulled herself up against his body again. Her legs her legs parted slightly, as he gently bit into the tender skin of her shoulder before pulling her closer for another heated kiss, deepening it slowly. Maybe it was the intensity of his kiss and touch that encouraged her boldness, so without wasting a second Thinking about it, Sasha guided his hand between their overheated bodies. The moment his knuckles had lightly brushed over the soaked fabric of her panties Tom groaned into her mouth and then their lips parted. They were both breathing heavily whilst they held each other's gaze, as if trying to figure out if this was really the right thing to even though they were both fully aware things were too far gone to stop now. For a split second Sasha found herself reasoning about why this was so wrong, that making love with Tom would be wrong given the reasons that had brought her here in the first place.

Deep down, Sasha already knew this would further complicate their relationship, but the way Tom stared into her eyes told her to ignore those reasons. From the way he looked at her she could tell that this was what he needed right now, whether it was a need to feel something other than pain or sorrow, perhaps because he loved her still. Sasha didn't know why, but she was sure that she would willingly give it to him.

 _Screw the consequences,_ she thought, as she bit her bottom lip in order to keep herself quiet as she felt his fingers brushing over her panties again. Maybe this will help him feel alive again, she was still staring into his deep blue eyes as she let go of his hand and reached up to cup his cheek with that hand.

"It's okay." She answered the unspoken question that she thought she saw in his eyes.

"Are you sure?" Tom asked, leaning into the palm of her hand, allowing himself to enjoy the warmth of her skin and her gentle touch before she slipped her hand to the back of his head. Sasha nodded with a soft smile on her lips and then without saying another word she drew him in for a tender kiss.

Their kiss deepened when Tom suddenly started to stroke her hot center lightly through her panties causing her to whimper into his mouth.

"Tom." Sasha muttered under her breath before she leaned captured his lips for another passionate kiss while he continued to apply pressure onto her sweet spot before he traced his hand over her toned stomach up to cup her breasts.

As he started to squeeze and knead it he removed his hand that was still on her back and reached for her other breast to give it the same sweet treatment. Sasha's eyes were still closed as he left her lips and she lifted her head up as Tom kissed his way down to her shoulder where he stopped for a moment. His lips continued their journey up to her ear as he nibbled and sucked his way up to the spot behind her ear, knowing that it would make her weak even though Sasha would never admit it. The feeling of his hot breath against her oversensitive skin made her made her tremble, as she tried to hold back a scream which she was sure would wake up the neighbors, but then he licked over her sensitive spot and she knew that she had lost it.

"Fuck, Tom…" Sasha cried out as she instinctively grabbed the hem of his boxer and tugged tried to tug it down, hoping that he would understand the message she was sending him.

Fortunately, he caught on quickly, because the next thing she felt was his lips pressed against hers and his hand on her back as he carefully lowered her down onto the mattress, trying his best not to leave her lips. The moment she was lying beneath him, Sasha pushed her upper body up on to her elbows before she reached with her left hand for his boxers. A deep groan escaped his lips as Sasha had a sexy smirk on her when she accidently brushed over the bulge in his boxers. She pushed herself a little further up and before she grabbed the hem of his boxers again and then she tugged them down, finally freeing his painful erection.

 _It's been a long time for both of us,_ Tom thought, as he stood up to remove his boxers, his heated gaze never leaving Sasha's before he joined on the bed again. Once again he pushed her back onto the mattress kissing her with an almost bruising intensity, as he came to a realization that stunned him- Suddenly he realized that this was more than just an act to feel something else besides the pain that had eaten him up from the inside over the past few months. He realized that this was more about them, about how they still feel for each. It amazed him that the passion and desire somehow survived over all those years apart, indeed was almost stronger.

 _It's been a long time,_ Sasha had a sly grin on her lips when Tom pulled away and traced his teeth down her throat and down to her collarbone where he gently bit into her tender skin drawing a long whimper from her. She felt his confident smile against her skin as he licked his way down to her breasts.

"Jesus! Tom!" Sasha cried out the moment he captured her nipple and sucked it before he moved over to her other breast where he did the same as she threatened her fingers into his dark grey hair. His hot breath tickled over her sensitive skin, while he continued to kiss his way down over her toned stomach to her hips, placing his hands his hand on both sides of her hips and then he began to tug down her panties. Sasha obeyed his unspoken request and wordlessly lifted her butt so he could pull her panties down her long legs before throwing them to the floor. Sasha whimpered softly as Tom caressed the inside of her legs up to her thigh before he stopped at her wet center.

"Sasha…" Tom murmured against her skin as he placed a few feathered kisses onto her hips as he slipped a finger between her folds. Instinctively Sasha opened her legs a little further to give better access but to her dismay he withdrew his finger causing her to open her eyes and look at him. She watched him position himself between her legs and then their gaze met and more a moment it felt like the time stood still.

"It's okay." Sasha voice was filled with emotions as she reached up and placed her hand onto his bare chest, feeling his heartbeat underneath his skin. Tom leaned in for a tender kiss as they were both determined to keep hold their gaze for as long as possible as he entered with one swift move.

"Sash…" Tom moaned her name, his voice filled with emotions as he stopped to give her a few seconds to get used to the feeling of him inside of her. The intense feeling of Tom filling her was almost too much for Sasha to handle, causing her to hold her breath as he entered her.

"Tom…" Sasha's breathed with a trembling voice as started to thrust into her, creating a slow and sensual rhythm cherishing every inch of her hot and slick channel.

"You feel so good." Tom groaned against the sensitive skin of her neck before he started to nip and kiss it tenderly.

It all felt so familiar, the feeling of him buried deep inside of her, her hot and wet skin around him, her soft whimpers; it all felt so unbelievable good that Tom knew that he wouldn't last long if he gave into his own needs. So he decided to keep their pace slow and drag this out for as long as possible so Sasha would enjoy it as much as he did. Unfortunately Sasha's plan was different, because for her slow and gentle wasn't enough. She wanted him to let go, to loose himself and feel alive instead of adding another emotion to the pile that he had already been hiding for so long. So she slowly ran her fingernails up and down his spine causing to groan against her skin and then she grabbed his ass, hard, urging him to go faster. But Tom didn't want to give in as he ran his teeth up her throat before he leaned up and kissed her deeply while he kept his pace slow. Growling into her mouth Tom sucked her bottom lip between his as felt her feet sliding over the inside of his legs.

"Sasha!" Tom hissed but he knew that she was ignoring him as she suddenly wrapped her legs around his waist so he had to stop his movements.

"Sasha…" He moaned painfully as he drew him in a bit deeper, letting him feel their intimate connection as she cupped his face with her hands and looked him directly in the eyes.

"I'm here, Tom… I'm with you… you don't have to hold back." her voice was trembling, breathless and for a moment Tom though that she was able to read his mind. The way she looked at him, Tom knew that she meant every single word she said.

"I don't want… It's been…" He stumbled over his own words when started to cares his cheeks with her thumbs.

"I know…for me too." She admitted even though she was pretty sure that Tom was well aware of that.

"I just don't want to…" Tom started but Sasha silenced him by placing a finger over his swollen lips.

"You know that I can take it. You won't hurt me… you never have." Her voice was still trembling with emotions as she slipped her hands to the back of his head where she gave a little massage to relax him.

"You can't break me." Sasha added before she pulled him down for bruising intense kiss, her legs still wrapped tightly around his waist.

They were both breathing heavily when Tom pulled back after Sasha released the grip she had on his neck, their gaze met and he realized that she was right. He remembered that sex between them had always been passionate and a fight for control back then he thought it was because they were young but now he knew this was just who they were. Not breaking their gaze, Sasha released the grip she had on his waist. Tom pulled out completely denying her any touch for a moment and then he drove right back into her hard and deep.

"Tom!" She cried out loudly as he started to create a rapid, hard rhythm, pressing his full length into her slick channel with each thrust. He only slowed down stilled for a few seconds when he could tell from her breath that she was close to release.

"Tom… please! I can't… take it…" Sasha was breathing hard when he slowed down again and waited for her to calm down. To her surprise he did what he was told as he once again sped up his thrusts. Digging her fingernails into his shoulders Sasha wrapped her legs around his waist again and then with few more deep thrusts she came hard while she cried out his name over and over again as her whole body shaking. Feeling her insides clenching painfully around him Tom couldn't hold back any longer as thrust into her one final time, pushing as far as she allowed him as his cock twitched and he came hard inside of her.

They both enjoyed the hot waves of pleasure and satisfaction that rippled through them, as they savored the little aftershocks coursing through their bodies. As he rolled onto his back, Tom wrapped his arms around her, a satisfied smile on his lips as he covered their cooling bodies with the blanket. For a while neither of them said a word as the only sound they heard was their own breathings as they still tried to calm down from what had just happened. Resting her head onto his shoulder Sasha slightly tilted her head up to look at him and she noticed the peaceful smile on his lips.

"Hey." Her voice was barely above a whisper, as she caressed his chest with her hand.

"Hey." Tom replied as he reached out and brushed her hair out of face before he cupped her face with his hand. He stared into her bright blue eyes as he tried to ignore the little voice in the back of his head that told him that he might have overstepped a line with her.

"Sasha…" He started as he watched her leaning up onto her arm. "I'm sor…" But before he could finish his apology she simply silenced him with a soft kiss.

"Don't." She told him genuinely when she left his lips and looked into his eyes. "Okay?" She asked and Tom nodded before she leaned in for another tender kiss.

Once she was resting in his arm again Sasha brought her attention back to his chest, caressing it as she felt his soft heart beat beneath his skin as Tom gently massaged the back of her head.

After a while Sasha noticed the change in his breathing, not surprised to see he'd fallen into a peaceful sleep. For a few moments, she watched the soft features of his face, realizing happily that he appeared more relaxed than the previous night when she'd found him.

 _Maybe I can really help him to heal,_ Sasha thought as she closed her eyes.


	7. Chapter 6

**Thanks V for betaing!**

 **A/N: This might be my last update for a while. But I'm won't quite writing. It's because I'm on my final year of college and I have to study a lot in the next few months. The finals are in May/June so once I'm (hopefully) officially a Paralegal I will update on a more regular basis.**

The warm autumn sun was shining through the curtains of Tom's bedroom as Sasha slowly began to awaken. Wanting to enjoy the warmth of the sun, and the softness of the bed, Sasha kept her eyes closed for a few minutes longer before opening them and let them adjusted to the sunlight. Gradually, she became aware of her surroundings and realized she was still in Tom's bed, in his arms, her head resting on his chest, with one muscular arm draped casually over her stomach. Sasha tilted her head slightly, half expecting him to already be awake watching her, but instead he was still sound asleep.

Carefully trying not to wake him, Sasha rolled onto one side, propping her head in one hand and began studying his face. As she let her gaze travel over his face, she noted the relaxed, peaceful expression on his face, so different to last night. The peaceful expression on his features once again brought to mind memories of a time when she would lie awake doing exactly this, watching her lover as he slept.

Feeling completely relaxed and well-rested herself, Sasha carefully eased herself out of Tom's arms and sat up on the edge of the bed, trying to locate her nightie. Grateful that it wasn't too far away from the bed she picked it and slipped it over her slender body before she looked over her shoulder again. After she was sure that Tom was still asleep she quietly eased herself off the bed and tip toed over to the bathroom.

A few moments later, Sasha was leaning against the sink inside the bathroom as she looked at herself in the mirror while her mind suddenly started to replay a very vivid memory of this morning. Brushing a few strains of her long, messy mahogany colored hair out of her face, she noticed the soft smile on her lips, as she realized how different she looked in comparison to the months she'd spent at sea, aboard the James in Asia. The soft, rosy glow of her naturally pale skin mixed with the light that seemed to have returned to her vivid blue eyes, it occurred to her she hadn't looked this... happy for some time. The happy, contented expression on her face made Sasha realize she hadn't just slept with Tom to break down the barriers of pain and sorrow he'd erected, but to rebuild the emotional connection she'd always had with him in the past.

 _What the f….,_ Sasha's eyes widen in horror when she spotted a soft red mark right above her collarbone. _This can't be a…,_ she forbade herself to finish that thought as she hoped that maybe that red mark would magically disappear. Carefully she reached up and pulled the collar of her shirt aside to confirm what she already expected to see.

 _A hickey? Seriously Cooper?_ Sasha raised her eyebrow at her reflection in the mirror as she shook her head in disbelief. _How old are you? 12? 13? 14?_

She couldn't help but blush as her mind suddenly started to replay all those things Tom had done to cause that red mark on her neck. Closing her eyes to savor the moment she somehow was still able to feel Tom's gentle touch as he cherished her body. The feel of his soft lips, the rough pad of his tongue, the way he made her feel afterwards, so desired and loved while the pure satisfaction ran through her body as he pulled her into his arms.

 _I hope he felt the same way,_ Sasha sighed deeply as she opened her eyes to look at the hickey again. _Kara will surely get a kick out of this maybe I have to find a turtle neck sweater or a scarf,_ Sasha thought as she suddenly felt like a teenager again.

 _I need to get back to him,_ she took another deep breath whilst she reached for the door handle, but then she hesitated as she suddenly felt torn between staying or leaving. She had no idea where the thought came from; maybe it was because she was afraid of the consequences of sleeping with him. Perhaps it stemmed from the need to sort out her own feelings before facing him again. Either way Sasha knew that she had to face him one way or the other, so after a few minutes of carefully considering her possibilities she decided to get over it and get back to Tom.

 _I'll figure this out later when he's up,_ Sasha told herself while she grabbed the door handle again and opened the door.

"Morning." Tom's husky voice startled her a little, but the second she saw his sleepy smile she relaxed again.

"You're already awake" Sasha stated, clearly surprised to see him stirring, having hoped to slip back into his arms before he'd awoken, before he could miss her. She'd wanted to savor those peaceful moments with him before reality hit them again.

"I am." Tom confirmed with a sly grin on his lips as he stretched his arms before he pushed himself up into a sitting position. Well aware that Sasha was watching him as he leaned his back against the headboard. Lounging against the doorframe, Sasha ran her eyes over his deliciously well-formed chest. She was definitely enjoying the view, but it was also a convenient way to see if she'd marked him the way he had so clearly done to her. Unfortunately his sun kissed torso was clear of any hickey's _Damn!_ She thought to herself.

At the same time, Tom allowed himself to appreciate the sultry beauty strolling casually back toward the bed. He allowed his gaze to wander up her shapely legs, drinking in the breathtaking curves hinted at by the night shirt she wore, one that barely covered her equally shapely derriere Tom couldn't tear his eyes away from her as she made her way to the bed, crawling her way over the sheets toward him. He couldn't pinpoint it, but as she drew closer, he could tell something was bothering her. "Sasha…" his voice was barely above a whisper as he tried to ask her, but he immediately stopped as she crawled onto his lap and straddled him with her legs before she leaned in.

"Morning." Sasha murmured when their lips were only a breath apart while she reached up and cupped his face before she finally leaned in for a kiss. Their kiss was soft and sweet, something Tom hadn't experienced for some time.

The moment Sasha pulled away from his lips and opened her eyes Tom was already staring at her. As their gazes locked, her hands slipped behind his neck, holding him in place, as she lost herself in his beautiful steel blue gaze. For a while, Sasha allowed herself to simply enjoy the moment, but part of her wondered if his feelings for her were genuine, or just a means to forget the horrors of their recent experiences for a while.

Carefully Tom reached up and tugged her long hair behind her ears before he cupped her face with his hands while she bit her lip. He noticed it immediately and wordlessly soothed the rough pad of his thumb over it causing her to release it again.

"How are you feeling?" Sasha's voice was barely above a whisper when she finally had found the courage to ask, because she was afraid that her question might ruin their almost perfect moment.

"Better" he replied while he caressed her cheekbones with his thumbs. "Thanks to you." He added with a soft smile as he watched her leaning into his hand.

"You're welcome." Sasha took a shacking breath, her tone telling him that she was enjoying his gentle touch.

 _His feelings are real, there's no way he would pretend that. Stop worrying,_ she told herself while she closed her eyes and allowed herself to relax into his soft touch before he slipped his hand into hair.

 _We can't… you can't! You should talk to him_ , her mind was yelling at her when Tom threated his hand into her hair and started to pull her in for another morning kiss. But it was too late, because the next thing she felt were his lips on hers, teasing her as he gently brushed them over hers before nipping her bottom lip softly. A soft moan escaped her lips as she parted them and allowed his tongue to slide in to deepen their kiss. Even though her mind told her to stop and finally talk about this morning, Sasha couldn't bring herself to end their kiss not only because she was enjoying their intimate connection, but she was very much concerned stopping now could mean it would end the way their last kiss aboard the James had – badly.

Not wanting to let go of her Tom slipped his hands down to the low of her back and pulled her body closer, enjoying the feeling of her soft curves against his bare chest. The way she traced her fingertips through his hair, the softness of her lips and their tongues dancing together made him realize that he wanted more. So without thinking about his actions Tom grabbed the hem of her shirt while he waited for the perfect moment to get rid of the offensive piece of clothing. From her side, Sasha realized they really needed to stop and talk about last night, and halt Tom's delicious explorations. It took all of her willpower to pull back from his soft lips, reaching behind her back and stopping his hands continuing their intimate explorations.

"Tom…" Sasha breathed his name as their gaze met. For a few seconds she didn't know what to say as she saw the confusion in his eyes. "We can't… not again." She shook her head as if she was trying to apologize for stopping him and then she climbed off his lap, leaving enough space between them while she wrapped the other blanket around her legs. For a while, neither could say a word, and the only sound in the room was their ragged breathing as they sought to bring their thoughts and emotions under control.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tom was the one who finally broke the silence. "About what happened this morning?" he added when he noticed her puzzled expression as she looked at him.

"I don't know…." Sasha sighed deeply while she still tried to sort her thoughts about what had happened between and if she really wanted to discuss this now. Sasha was well aware that part of her just wanted to throw caution to the winds, and continue kissing Tom, but they needed to have this discussion.

"What's on your mind?" Sasha asked in a lousy attempt to draw the focus to Tom.

"That we might have moved a bit too fast too soon…" He replied but for Sasha it sounded more like a question than an actually answer to what she had asked him.

"We can't undo what we've done now, now can we?" She asked but the moment the words had left her mouth she immediately wished she wouldn't have said them.

"No" Tom shook his head. "Do you regret it?" He asked back and then just like Sasha he immediately started to regret his question.

 _Don't tell me you do, because it certainly didn't felt you regretted it this morning,_ Tom thought as he recalled the moment where she had told him not to be sorry for what had happened.

"Honestly?" She asked while she held his gaze for a few more seconds before she turned her head and looked over to the window as she tried to come up with an answer that would make sense at least for her.

"No" She shook her head. "But under the circumstances I don't know…" She shrugged while she took a deep breath before she finally was able to face him again. "I don't regret it, Tom, not one bit. But under the circumstances I don't know if it was the right timing for us." She explained to him hoping that somehow it would make sense to him.

"Do you regret it?" Sasha asked whilst she looked directly into his blue eyes, eyes that she loved so dearly, that had been so full of hope this morning, she could get lost in them sometimes.

"It made me feel whole, no _you_ made me feel whole again, Sasha." He held her gaze. "Thanks to you I felt alive again. Why should I regret it?" He asked her, but he didn't give her a chance to answer. "Look, Sasha. I still care for you a lot. Even when I left the service… our goodbye…" Tom stopped midsentence as his mind replayed the moment where he kissed her goodbye he'd been worried it could've been forever. "So no, I don't regret sleeping with you. I would never regret it with you. But I agree about our timing."

"Yeah." Sasha nodded as she started to process what Tom had just said as she slowly realized that her plan to make him feel again has worked out at least for now.

 _I did it. Maybe we can work this out together and I can help him to heal and move on maybe build a future together,_ Sasha suddenly had a bunch of ideas for their future in her head. _But how?_ She wondered as she still felt like she couldn't answer the one question that had been bothering her since the moment she had seen him yesterday.

"So how are we going to take this from here?" Tom's voice brought her back to reality.

"I don't know." She shrugged whilst she pulled her legs up to her chest and probed her head into her hand before she looked at him again with a questioning expression on her face. "Maybe we should do this together." She suggested. "You know, heal." She added when she saw his puzzled expression. "And then maybe… maybe we can start over… as a couple… I mean if that's what you want?" Sasha asked him hoping that he wouldn't reject her offer completely, because no matter what he would decide she wanted to be there for him as a friend or a partner.

But instead of answering her question right away Tom held her gaze for a few more seconds before he leaned his head back against the headboard and stared at the door across room. She could tell from his expression that he was processing her suggestion, but after a while his continued silence made her feel uneasy, so after a few minutes had past she removed the blanket from her legs.

"I think I should leave." She simply said when the unbearable silence had reached the point where she wished she wouldn't have made that suggestion in the first place.

 _I knew it! It was too soon to ask him for any kind of relationship, he needs time to process,_ Sasha sat up on the edge of the bed as she tried to locate her underwear on the floor. _Like he would say yes to that right away just because he slept with you, Cooper? You know him better than that,_ she told herself as she suddenly felt a rush of anger running through her veins. Strangely, she knew her anger didn't stem from Tom's lack of response to her suggestion, but her own poor timing.

"Sasha, wait!" Tom caught her arm the moment she was about to push herself off the bed. "I want to try" he added quickly, as she turned to face him, noting her puzzled expression.

"You're sure?" She asked raising her eyebrow in suspicion after a few seconds had passed. "Because I don't want you to say this just because you think it's what I want to hear, to stop me walking out. I understand if you need to think about this Tom" Sasha told him, looking into his eyes, as if trying to read his mind, before he could voice his answer.

"Of course I'm sure about it. And I'm not only saying this because I don't want you to leave now." Tom replied as he held her gaze, hoping that she would see how serious he was about them going through this together.

"I need you to heal, because I know that you care for me not just because "I'm the man who saved the world", but because I know we still have this emotional connection that I need to get back to the way I was." He told while he let go of her arm and took her hand. "I know how much you care for me, that you know me like no one else does. I need you, Sasha."

"I would love to be there for you." Sasha had a soft smile on her lips as she looked down at their hands. It was the simple connection mixed with words that made her realize how much she actually cared for him and how much she wanted this to work out. "But we are taking this slow, one step at a time. Not like we did this morning." She added after she brought her gaze back up to his eyes and she could've sworn that she saw a hint of disappointment in them.

"Okay." He nodded and then they simply stared into each other's eyes as they both slowly processed what had just happened.

"But I still think that I have to go." Sasha sighed as she pulled his hand out of his grasp.

"You think or do you know?" Tom asked back even though he could tell that she was a bit disappointed.

"I know that I have to leave. Kara will surely get a kick out of this." She rolled her eyes as she could already see her friend teasing her while she pushed herself off the bed and faced him again. "That I stayed the night." Sasha explained when she noticed the puzzled look on his face. "And that you might have left a hickey on my neck." She added trying to sound causal about it, but Tom knew that she wasn't because he saw her blushing while she pulled the collar aside, showing him the mark he'd left on her creamy skin.

"I did that?" He asked in disbelief causing her to blush a little more as simply smiled at him before she walked around the bed.

"I'll just get changed and let myself out" Sasha told him gently, as she walked out of the bedroom.

The moment she had closed the door behind herself, Sasha closed her eyes as let a huge sigh of relief. A few minutes later Sasha walked down the stairs were to her surprise Tom was already waiting for her by the door.

"You got dressed." She noted with a smile, but he ignored her comment. "Thank you for staying the night and for everything else." He nodded and smiled at her as he pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly as Sasha buried her face in the crook of his neck, enjoying the feeling of being held by him again.

"You're welcome. Thanks for letting me in." She replied as she let of him and made a step back. "And you know if anything happens, if you need someone to talk or if there is anything else you know where can find me." Sasha reached up and caressed his cheek.

"I know." He sighed deeply and she could tell that he didn't want her to leave just yet, but she knew that she had to. So instead of simply stepping away and walk out of the front door Sasha gently pulled his head down as she leaned up before she placed a soft kiss on to his lips.

"We will make this work." She told him genuinely as she caressed over the stubbles of his cheek with her fingertips when their gaze locked.

"I thought you were about to leave?" Tom asked chuckling quietly as she stood there still not leaving.

"I am." She replied with a soft smile as she stepped back. "I just wanted to make sure that you know that you are not alone in this."

"Okay." Tom reached for the door handle behind his back and opened the door for allowing her to walk pass him. "See you soon, Tom." Sasha turned around with a big smile on her lips when she reached the stairs of the porch.

"Bye Sasha." Tom smile back at her before she turned around made her way back to her temporary home.

TBC...


	8. Chapter 7

On her way home Sasha thought furiously about how to avoid Kara, at least for a few hours. She knew the second she walked into the house, Kara would want the gossip about last night, more specifically why Sasha hadn't come home last night! Sasha wasn't trying to avoid Kara because she didn't trust her or because she didn't want to talk about it, she did, but she just wanted some time to herself and allow herself to think think about everything that had happened. After all that she had witnessed last night, his tears, his heart wrenching sobs when he had cried in her arms, the pain, sorrow and emptiness in his eyes followed by the flicker of hope, and love, in his eyes this morning. It all was a lot for her to take in and she knew that she needed a few hours to reflect and sort out her feelings in her own mind, before she could tell her friend about last night. Walking up the short path to the house Sasha decided that the best to accomplish both would be a long work out in park. A work out had always been Sasha's way to think about and then figure out the problems in her life.

"I'm back!" Sasha announced as she headed over to the stairs, hoping that Kara would be either out or too busy taking care of her little boy to respond but unfortunately she wasn't.

"Oh, look who finally had found her way home from her "It's not a date"-date with your Uncle Tommy, Frankie" Sasha heard Kara's cheerful voice coming from the living room, causing her to stop in the middle of the stairs, even though she knew that it was a bad idea. "Your favorite Auntie" Kara pointed out while she carefully picked up her son. "And now she is trying to avoid us by heading straight to her room like a little teenager, which can only mean one thing…" she trailed off while carried him out of the living room and into the hall. "…but that's something you won't be doing until you're at least 20… no make that 30 or 35."

"Oh there she is…" Kara pointed up the stairs at Sasha while Frankie happily gurgled in her arms. "Oh, really?" She asked pretending to understand him whilst she raised her perfectly shaped eyebrow. "You want to know how her date with Uncle Tommy went last night. Hmmm, do you think we should ask her?" She tickled Frankie's tummy. "Say of course, Mommy."

"Seriously Kara? Using Frankie to get me to talk about my evening with Tom? Is that really how you want to play this out?" Sasha shook her head in disbelief.

"Evening, huh? Now that's interesting…" Kara trailed off, ignoring Sasha annoyed expression completely as she was still focused on her son. "Did you hear that, Frankie? Your Aunt Sasha has left us last night, after dinner and she just came back now, after lunch and yet she still calls it an evening? Hmm, maybe your Auntie hasn't got any sleep last night because she was doing… things… and that's why she is heading for her room instead of talking to your Mommy. She has to take a nap like you do." Kara told Frankie, who was still babbling in her arms. "Hm, you're right Auntie Sasha is probably exhausted from doing those certain things last night instead of…."

"Auntie Sasha can still hear you. I'm not deaf" Sasha informed her "And I've already told you last night that it isn't a date. We were just catching up."

"Right" Kara nodded as she suspiciously eyed her friend standing in the middle of the staircase. "So how was the date that wasn't a date and yet you've spent the night with him?"

"I didn't spend the night _with_ him… it was late and he wanted me to stay… said it was still dangerous during the night… I could get kidnapped" Sasha explained hoping that Kara would believe her.

"Of course, it is, during the night when it's dark…" Kara agreed nodding her head even though she didn't believe Sasha story. "So uhm, how was staying at his house? How is the couch?"

"That couch is none of your business." Sasha rolled her eyes. "But we can talk about this _later_ , when I'm back from my work out, okay?"

"Funny, I thought you already had your work out this morning or was it last night?" She couldn't hold back anymore as she spotted a red mark on her friend's neck.

 _What the hell? Did she really…? I never thought the Captain was that passionate in ….,_ Kara had to stop herself from finishing that thought immediatley. Kara knew if she didn't, she'd start imagining things about her friend and her former CNO that she really didn't want to!

"Kara!" Sasha hissed when she noticed the grin on Kara's lips, forcing her friend back to reality.

"That bad, huh?" She asked and even though she knew she shouldn't have asked it, she kind of hoped that it would her any kind of response to satisfy her curiosity.

"Actually it was quite the opposite" Sasha muttered, not realizing that she had said it out loud, while she suddenly had a very vivid flashback of their morning running though her head.

 _Not bad at all,_ she smiled to herself.

"I'm sorry, what?" Kara asked and Sasha realized that she had just said something that would've been better keeping to herself, especially if she wanted time to herself to think before she could share it.

"Oh, nothing" Sasha replied and then she quickly turned around and headed upstairs. "We will talk… later. I really need to work out now."

"Oh c'mon, I am a Mom now! I don't get to date so you have to give me something!" Kara's voice sounded a little desperate as she begged Sasha for any kind of detail of her night, but much to her dismay Sasha ignored her while she headed for her room.

"See, Frankie. I told you she is avoiding us. But we will get her to talk, right?"

Once Sasha had made it into her room, she locked her door before she let out a deep sigh of relief as she realized that she'd dodged Kara's questions.

 _At least I have time to figure_ _things out first,_ Sasha thought to herself, as she pulled out a pair of dark blue leggings, a sports bra and a white loose fitted top for her work out. Once she had changed into the sports clothes Sasha quickly tied her hair up into high, messy ponytail. She had just turned around and was about to leave her room when she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.

 _I thought you already had your work out?_ Kara's voice suddenly echoed through her head when she eyed the hickey on her neck again.

 _Oh shit!_ Sasha thought as she quickly undid her ponytail and tried to cover up the red mark Tom had left on her usually pale, flawless skin, while she prayed that Kara hadn't seen it yet.

A few seconds later she left room and headed downstairs while she pulled her hair tie over her wrist, well aware that she would tie her hair up once she would be out of Kara's sight.

"You know you can't hide from me forever!" Kara yelled from the kitchen the moment Sasha had reached for the door handle and opened it. For a split second Sasha thought about heading over to the kitchen and face Kara, get it over with, but then chose to ignore her and continue her workout.

Taking the shortcut down to street level, Sasha decided to take the longer route to the park. Not only did it allow her to avoid Kara for another 10 minutes, but it also meant she would avoid the risk of running into Tom. The shorter route she knew led right past Tom's house, and she needed to figure out her feelings first.

Once Sasha had made it to the park she tied her hair up again and started to run her favorite route around the lake,down the gravelled paths leading her through the woods.

With her mind busy trying to work out the best way to handle the situation with Tom and allow him to heal, Sasha started to lose track of time. After a while she realized that no matter how her thoughts twisted and turned, the events of the past 24 hours, her past history with Tom, it always came back to the realisation that she still cared for him deeply. If she were totally honest with herself, Sasha knew she loved him still, though he was far from the man she used to know. She knew she wanted to help him recover, to heal, and become something closer to teh tom he used to be pre-plague.

On her 6th lap around the lake Sasha noticed one of her shoelaces had become loose, so she paused at a nearby bench to rest her foot and retie the errant lace. As she was about to resart her run, she looked up and spotted a couple with a stroller walking on the other side of the lake. Sasha couldn't help but stare at them as she started to stretch herself while she wondered how they had made it through the plague together with a child. Watching the woman Sasha noticed that she must be around her own age, she was tall, had a slender figure and light brown hair while her partner seemed to be a little bit older as he had already had a few grey shadows in his dark hair.

 _Maybe he's around Tom's_ _age_ , Sasha thought to herself, before squashing the thought ruthlessly, knowing all too well where it would lead. For a few minutes she was able to focus on her stretching, but as she caught sight of the couple again, she couldn't help but wonder.

 _Maybe they_ _surv_ _ived together; maybe they got married before the plague and survived together._

It was then when she noticed how happy and at ease they seemed to be as they both were smiling whilst their child slept. P _eaceful_ Sasha sighed to herself, realizing it was an image she had wanted for herself for some time. Before she had departed for Asia to investigate the Viral outbreak, it was she herself who was smiling up at her then husband. Of course, she had observed Danny and Kara, and their developing relationship , but it wasn't what she wanted for herself. She wanted something else, something that she knew she would only be able to get if she would be with Tom again.

As the couple walked up the path towards the benches Sasha noticed that the brown haired woman had her arm wrapped tightly around his waist while he pushed the stroller carrying their child. The way the woman leaned against his body, the smile on their faces as they walked in sync, it almost made her forget that they were still living in a very fragile post plague world.

 _Don't go there, bad idea!_ Sasha warned herself, but she couldn't help but imagine Tom in the role of that man.

 _Don't..._ She told herself, knowing how easy it would be to get lost in the fantasy of them together. Sasha was a realist, she knew that it wasn't just Tom who needed time to heal, but she herself had scars of her own to deal with. It didn't stop her wondering though - could they start over as a couple, and finally find happiness again?

 _God Cooper, stop torturing_ _yourself!_ Sasha's mind chastised herself, but her heart refused to let go of the fantasy. She realized how much she truly wanted to be with Tom, not just as a friend, but as a partner, girlfriend, and maybe as his wife. Sasha felt a little silly for clinging to the fantasy, but she couldn't help but imagine their relationship, and the possibility of a child.

She wanted to be like that woman, relaxed, happy and at ease with Tom and maybe a child or two to complete their family along with Sam and Ashley. She wanted Tom to be like that man, happy, carefree but most importantly at peace with himself so he could allow himself to be the loving, caring father and husband she'd always imagined him to be.

 _At peace with himself,_ Sasha sighed as reality decided to hit her hard again and her mind oddly started to replay the events of last night. She remembered how he refused to see the good that he had done to the world, refused to believe that it wasn't his fault so many people had died during the plague, that he would never have been able to save everyone, though god knows he'd done everything he possibly could.

It made her realize once again what a broken man Tom was, that he needed the love, the light that she knew she could give him. Sasha knew, though that something deep indise him had been shattered during the plaugue's aftermath; for a moment, Sasha wasn't so sure she was able to fix him on her own.

Sasha reminded herself not to lose faith in herself and the power of the love she'd felt for him as her mind fast forwarded to the events of the morning. The hints of hope and faith that she had seen in his beautiful blue eyes and the love that she had felt when he had caressed her skin as they made love. She recalled the moment when he was scared to hurt her if he would let go, how she had urged him to not hold back. Sasha also recalled the aftermath, when Tom had tried to apologise, but she'd silenced him with a kiss, to say nothing of the tender moments before she'd left him.

It all made her realize that even though she wouldn't be able to fix him on her own, she would there for him, every step of the way, no matter how long it would take him to heal, because she still loved him.

 _I need you to heal…,_ Tom's voice echoed through her head as her mind replayed the moment where she had offered him to heal with him.

 _You care for me not just because I'm the man who saved the world… you know me like no one else does,_ when Tom had said that she knew that unfortunately he was right. She was the only one left from his old life, before before he had met Darien, become a husband, a father, before his first command, and well before he'd saved the world. As she thought about his words and what they meant she realized that since her brother was dead and no word or record about her parents' whereabouts he was the only one left from her old life. Tom was the only one left from her life before she had worked her way up in the Navy, prior to her work in defence intelligence, her marriage, and before the plague had taken her husband and her family.

 _I need you, Sasha,_ she heard his voice again.

"I need you too, Tom." Sasha sighed deeply as her mind started to slowly drift back in to reality again. Checking her watch Sasha realized that she had spent the past 1,5 hours at the park, and that Kara would probably already be waiting for her return. _She can wait,_ Sasha shook her head before she headed off for another round through the park and then home.

"Oh, finally!" Sasha heard Kara muttering the moment she pushed open the door. "I thought that you got lost on your way home or that went out for different kind of work out that you do indoors…" Kara was aware that she was pushing the point, and Sasha would either bite her head off or finally confess all. She realized she didn't really care which option her friend chose, as she'd been waiting 2 hourds to get the lowdown about what had really happened at Chandler's place last night.

"Jesus, Kara" Sasha stopped by the living room where she found her sitting on the couch with a book in her lap. "You're like Halsey with his favorite bone" Sasha tried hard not to snap at her friend's dogged pursuit to get some details about her night with Tom. "I'll tell you about it when _I am_ ready!" She added before she turned on her heels and headed up the stairs, hoping that she would at least get a chance to take a shower before she would have to sit down with Kara.

"Oh, c'mon! I know you want to talk about it. I can see it in your pretty eyes. You want to share whatever had happened last night" Kara told her while she got up and followed her up the stairs and over to the bathroom.

"Nope, all I want is a long hot shower in peace." Sasha replied firmly while she opened the bathroom door before she turned around to face her friend again. "Besides don't you have "Mom"-stuff to do, like taking care of your son? Feeding him?" She suggested.

"He's taking a nap. I'm off for at least an hour and I need something to pass the time… You know that I'm a stay at home mom, I don't get to date anymore and my husband is still on the East Coast but I need something to keep me sane. Please tell me what happened last night?"

"Later" Sasha replied while she stepped in to the bathroom where once again Kara tried to follow her. "Sash… please? Just one little thing and you can take your shower. Please?"

"Oh, you get out of here" Sasha told her playfully, rolling her eyes while she gently pushed her back out of the door. "You're like a bratty little sister." She told her slightly annoyed even though it was kind of funny and cute how desperate Kara acted just to get anything out of her.

"Sash…" Kara tried again. "No." Sasha told her again as she shot the door and looked it before Kara had a chance to finish her request.

"And you are no fun to gossip with" Kara pouted at the looked door.

"This isn't gossip, it's my private life, Kara." Sasha responded immediately while she started to strip of her work out clothes.

"Remember? We live together you don't have a private life." Kara pointed out, causing Sasha to stop taking off her clothes as she turned on the shower, hoping that it would at least muffle Kara's increasingly annoying voice. "AND don't think that I haven't seen that little hickey on your neck. I know the Captain and you were fooling around. What are you 12? 14? Stop acting like a teenager!"

"I can't hear you!" Sasha raised her voice over the pouring water as she once again caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. _Oh, damn you and your freaking talented lips, Chandler,_ Sasha shook her head while she stripped off the rest of her clothes and stepped into the shower.


	9. Chapter 8

_**I am so sorry for the long delay, me and my awesome Beta were both very busy! So here is the next Chapter! I also plan to post a Tomsha Christmas story so stay tuned! ;)**_

After Sasha had taken her well-deserved hot shower she was still worried about Tom's mental health but she had finally figured out which parts of the past 24 hours she wanted to share with her friend downstairs. So after she had slipped into a comfortable pair of navy blue sweats and pulled her towel dried hair into a messy bun, Sasha headed downstairs.

"Coffee or tea?" She heard Kara's voice coming from the kitchen as she reached the bottom step of the stairs.

"Uhm, coffee, please. I'll be in the living room." Sasha replied as she walked into the living room stepping on one of Frankie's toys that squawked rather loudly. Picking up the toy, Sasha wandered over to the window, stroking it mindlessly as she pulled back the curtain. Leaning against the window frame, her eyes were drawn in the direction Tom's house, recalling the countless moments she'd spent trying to come up with a plan to approach him.

Thinking back to yesterday, Sasha couldn't help but smile, and gave silent thanks for Kara's persistence. Kara's constant nagging had given her the push she'd needed to finally go over to the Chandler house. Her smile softened as the morning's events replayed in her mind, and her eyes once more drifted back to the row of tree's and homes that obscured the house she most wanted to see.

"Oh! Not again!" Kara's voice ripped her out of her thoughts. "I thought you were past the whole staring out of the window and wondering about Chandler phase?" Kara asked clearly annoyed to find her friend staring out of the window once more.

"I wasn't staring!" Sasha tied to defend herself as she turned around to face her friend who just gave her a look that told her not to lie. "Fine, I was staring" she admitted walking over to the arm chair next to the couch. "But you would be doing the same thing after…" she trailed before shaking her head. "Never mind." She sighed as she sat down.

"Never mind?" Kara asked in disbelief as she sat down. "C'mon Sasha! I know there is something bothering you and I know that you want to talk about what happened between you and Tom. And for the record, this is _not_ the gossip starved Mom talking. This is me, Kara, your friend who cares for you a lot and I can see it in your eyes that something has happened. So please just talk to me and maybe I can help." Kara said softly, hoping that Sasha would trust her and finally would open up to her.

"Honestly?" Sasha asked. "I don't even know where to start… there was so much going on last night and I'm not just talking about that" she explained pointing at the red mark on her neck. "What I saw last night..." Sasha shook her head, unable to find the words to describe it all.

"Was it too much to handle on your own? Even when you thought you could?" Kara asked carefully.

"Yeah." Sasha nodded.

"Well how about you start with last night when you went over to see him and work your way up?" Kara suggested as she picked up her cup of steaming hot tea. "Or start where ever you want. I'm listening."

"Well last night when I went over…" Sasha sighed deeply, pausing for a moment as she turned her head to look out of the window again. "It was nice… we had a few drinks…. Red wine and it was fun." She smiled softly as she remembered how playful Tom was when he brought her bottle. "He was in a good mood, even a little playful, like the old Tom. But then I changed the topic and well… when I told him that he looked exhausted, he tried to deflect it, telling me I looked just as tired" Sasha sighed "It turns out Tom hasn't had a decent night's sleep since the missile tests in the Arctic. Its why I offered to stay the night, to be there for him in case he needed someone to talk to"

"And? What did he say?" Kara asked softly.

"He refused, of course, so it forced me to play the kids card on him" Sasha replied. "I told him that Ashley and Sam needed their Dad to be at his best, so he accepted my offer, we had a few more drinks before heading upstairs"

"And that was when that happened?" Kara raised her eyebrow, touching her own neck where Sasha's hickey was.

"God, no!" Sasha couldn't help but role her eyes at her friend, laughing.

"Sorry, it's just that hickey of yours… it's something I didn't expect." Kara apologized.

"That came later. Anyway, I stayed at his guestroom and he gave me one of his old shirts to sleep in…" she continued, blushing a little as she recalled the morning's lovemaking. "And I don't know why, but that damn shirt… when I'd put it on… it brought back so many old memories from the academy… like the moment we first met, our relationship, I don't know why but it felt as if my heart and mind went right back there - but _that_ is a different story." Sasha told her, nothing the curious expression on Kara's face.

"Technically it is part of _your_ story with him and I don't have to tell you that I have my own forbidden love story..." Kara trailed off, a grin on her lips. "Fine, another time then?" She asked knowing that this wasn't about taking a trip down the memory line. "So, what happened during the night? Did he wake up?"

"He…" Sasha started, but stopped as she picked up her cup. "You know that I'm a light sleeper, right?"

"You are." She nodded as she recalled the countless times Sasha had joined her in the middle of the night, helping her with Frankie.

he was in the grip of a horrendous nightmare..." Sasha's voice trailed off, her eyes closing as her mind replayed the awful scenes from the previous evening "It broke my heart... I've seen things like that before ...but when it's someone you care for? Heartbreaking" she swallowed hard, before forcing herself to continue "When I went in and woke him... the look in his eyes...the pain and terror... it's not something you _ever_ want to see someone you love experiencing. I held him, tried to soothe him, told him it was just a dream, but he wasn't listening, because he kept telling me it was his fault as he cried in my arms" Sasha stopped speaking, unable to find the words to convey the pain, the grief she'd witnessed in Tom's eyes. Eventually, Sasha managed to continue her narrative, smiling as she felt Kara gently squeeze her hand in support. "I tried my best to stay strong and to get him to calm down, but he didn't stop crying and that shattered my heart. I don't know for how long I set there listening to his sobs, but the sleeve of my shirt was soaked with his tears and my butt felt numb as I was sitting on the edge of the frame. So, I asked him if I should stay but he just looked at me and didn't say a word so I figured that he wanted me to stay and tried to get up and over to the other side of the bed… No, not for that." Sasha rolled her eyes when she noticed a grin forming on Kara's lips.

"Anyways when I tried to get up he grabbed me by wrist to stop me from leaving… After I had reassured him that I wouldn't leave I went over and got into his bed. He kept on crying and continued to blame himself for everything that had happened during the plague and I mean everything, his family, the sailors that he had lost, the civilians that died because of the Immunes, hell he even blamed himself for allowing a pregnant woman, you, to be part of Dr Scott's trials.

"He did what?" Kara asked in disbelief. "No one knew that I was pregnant! Hell, not even I knew that I was pregnant at the time. If it wouldn't have been for the trials no one would've found out. You have told him that right?"

""Of course, I did! I told him that none of it was his fault and that he should stop blaming himself, but you know how him… stubborn sailor." Sasha muttered as she rolled her eyes. "But I got him to think about it even though he told me that he can't, because every time he thinks about things he starts to second guess each decision that he made and what he could've done differently to save everyone."

"He did everything he could, and no one would've been able to handle the situation like he did. He saved us all more than once" Kara replied.

"That's exactly what I'd told him, but I guess he will need some time to actually realize that. Anyways around 3:00 we called it a night and well the next morning…" Sasha trailed off. "…let's just say it was something else." A soft smile on his lips as she recalled the moment where she had opened her eyes only to find Tom already staring at her.

"I can see that now, what happened?" Kara asked even though she had pretty good feeling about what Sasha would tell her now.

"Well when I woke up Tom was already staring at me. He told me that he was feeling lighter… somehow." Sasha shrugged. "And he said that he had already forgotten how good it felt to wake up next to someone, he thanked me for staying with him. And I told him that I still love him, I mean how stupid was that?"

"Not stupid at all." Kara asked back. "Let's face it, Sasha. You love Tom Chandler. No matter how hard you try to deny that. You love him. Maybe it wasn't a good time to tell him? But who cares about the timing when you mean the words you were saying. Maybe it was what he needed to hear to feel better or to get past the pain of his loses."

"I know." Sasha sighed while she tried to come up with a reason that would prove that Kara was wrong.

"So how did he respond to that?"

"He didn't until a few minutes later when he told me that I'm beautiful inside and out. He caressed my cheek in the same way that he used to years ago… it felt so good and I didn't mean to kiss him, but in that moment… I figured that a little kiss won't hurt so I allowed him to kiss me and I don't know…." She trailed off. "Things developed from there." She added a soft smile on her lips as if she could still feel Tom's lips on hers, kissing her gently.

"And? Was it good?" Kara couldn't help but ask when she noticed her friend's rosy cheeks.

"Hmm, more than good." Sasha nodded as the smile on her lips grew bigger even though she was already cursing herself for telling Kara more than she wanted to. "Let's just say some things will never change."

"So, the Captain still knows how to rock a girl's world?" Kara chuckled, grinning back at her friend

"Seriously, Kara? This sound so wrong." Sasha asked a little shocked by her friend's statement, but then again Kara was right, Tom still knows how to rock her world.

"God, you're awful. I really hope for your sake that Danny will come home soon. Because if you keep up like this you'll turn in one of those desperate, gossiping, stay at home moms with no sex life. But for your information Tom does know how to rock my world." She replied. "He always did."

 _God, what the hell is wrong with me? I didn't want to share that much with her!_ Sasha thought to herself.

"That's good." Kara nodded, causing Sasha to raise her perfectly shaped eyebrow as she had a questioning expression on her face. "I mean given his age and the time that he had spent on the James… without any…" She trailed off innocently.

"Seriously, Kara!" Sasha shot back indignantly.

"What? I was just pointing out the obvious." Kara shrugged.

"You are unbelievable." Sasha shook her head in disbelief even though she couldn't hold back a grin. "But for the record, the older they get the better they are."

 _Especially Tom,_ Sasha added quietly as she remembered again how it used to be before they had broken up over a decade ago. Back then the sex had always been better than good. It was passionate, fiery, a fight for control mixed with a constant fight to satisfy the other more. This morning was something else, though Sasha couldn't really pin point what it was, but it felt different.

"Earth to Sasha!" Kara's voice brought her back to reality.

"Sorry, I was just… never mind." Sasha shook her head as she quickly decided to not share more details about her sex life with Tom.

"So how will you handle the situation with him?" Kara asked as she somehow had a feeling that Sasha wouldn't share any more details about the morning's events.

"Honestly?" Sasha asked as picked up her cup again, wrapping her slender fingers around it. "I don't know. I mean I can head over and be there for him, try to get him to talk about it, but I don't know if it would be enough for him to heal." Sasha shrugged looking at her friend before she resumed staring into her cup, racking her brains for more ways she could help Tom.

"Well that's a good start. Maybe go for a run or just take a walk with him and make him see the good he had done. I mean there are plenty of people who are alive, happy and well because of his decisions, so maybe that could help him." Kara suggested.

"Yeah, I guess that could work." Sasha nodded.

"Or you can take him on a little trip and do something that helps him to relax." Kara suggested tentatively.

"Yeah, right because a spa weekend is something you can do in a post plague world." She replied unable to hide the sarcasm in her voice as Kara rolled her eyes.

"I'm not talking about a spa weekend. Just take him somewhere he like… I don't know" Kara shrugged. "Fishing or camping. You know him better than I do I know you will be able to come up with something he would be able to enjoy."

"And what about Sam and Ashley?" "Take them with you? I'm sure they would love to spend some quality time away with their father and you as a friend of their family. And if they don't want to come with you we will figure something out. They can stay with Danny and me, Frankie adores Ashley anyways." Kara replied a smile on her lips as she remembered how happy her little boy always seemed to be when Tom's daughter was around.

"And what if they don't like me?" Sasha asked and even though she tried to hide her fears and worries she couldn't hide it in her voice.

"And why should they not like you? You are a friend of their father who is trying to help." Kara replied reassuringly.

"I am, but I'm also a stranger. I mean I saw them for like 10 seconds at the airport and that's it." Sasha explained causing Kara to roll her eyes again. "Don't worry, I'm sure they will like you when they see that you are good for their father."

"Okay." Sasha replied taking a sip from her coffee while she thought about Kara's suggestions.

"You know what? Tomorrow after breakfast I'll ask him if he'd like to go out for a walk to the park to get some fresh air." Sasha stated as she suddenly felt her self-confidence rise again. "Taking it slow and see how things will progress from there."

"I think that's a good idea and if there is anything…." said, giving her friends hand a reassuring squeeze

"I know and thank you for listening." Sasha nodded returning Kara's smile as she hoped that her friend was right and that it would help Tom to heal.

"So, now that we have solved your problem, why don't you tell me how you and Tom started?" Kara asked after a few seconds had passed.

"Kara…" Sasha sighed clearly annoyed. "What? We still have some time until Frankie wakes up and…" Kara was about to reason with Sasha when suddenly the baby phone came to life, announcing that Frankie was already up again.

"Saved by the bell." Sasha muttered relieved that Kara's son had chosen the right moment to wake up and save her from telling her another personal story.

"I'll get him. But we are _not_ done here." Kara told her firmly as she got up from the couch.


End file.
